NFR Humor

[mark wlker]

In my early 20's I was once pulled over by the police after leaving one of the town's 3 bars at 3am - less than a block after leaving the parking lot.

I said "Is there something wrong, officer?"

He replied with "I just wanted to check and make sure that you were ok to drive."

I said "Why wouldn't I be ok to drive?"

He said "I know that your car has been parked at the bar since at least noon. Isn't that an awful long time to hang out in a bar? You kind of smell like a brewery, too" (he said this in a *very* smug manner)

I said "Do you know what kind of person sits in a bar for fifteen hours and then goes home smelling like a brewery?
The "bartender".

 

[cdnred]

 

[Aufwuchs]

FYI the full video of Osho is actually good but the clip taken out of context is pretty funny.

I peed on his driveway while passing through eastern Oregon in 1984.

 

[Porter2]

A Minnesota farmer named Sven had a car accident. He was hit by a truck owned by the Ajax Company.

In court, the Ajax Company's hot shot attorney questioned him thus "Didn't you say to the state trooper at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine?"

Sven responded: "Vell, I'lla tell you vathappened dere. I'd yust loaded my fav'rit cow, Bessie, into da...

"I didn't ask for any details," the lawyer interrupted. "Just answer the question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine!'?"

Sven said, "Vell, I'd yust got Bessie into da trailer and I vas drivin' down da road...

"The lawyer interrupted again and said, "Your Honor, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the police on the scene that he was fine. Now several weeks after the accident, he is trying to sue my client.

I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question.

"By this time, the Judge was fairly interested in Sven's answer and said to the attorney: "I'd like to hear what he has to say about his favorite cow, Bessie.

"Sven said: 'Tank you," and proceeded. "Vell as I vas saying, I had yust loaded Bessie, my fav'rit cow, into de trailer and was drivin' her down de road vin dis huge Ajax truck and trailer came tundering tru a stop sign and hit me trailer right in da side by golly.

I was trown into one ditch and Bessie was trown into da udder ditch.

"By yimminy yahosaphat, I vas hurt purty durn bad, and didn't want to move. An even vurse dan dat, I could hear old Bessie a moanin' and a groanin'. I knew she vas in terrible pain yust by her groans.

"Shortly after da accident,a policeman on a motorbike turned up. He could hear Bessie a moanin' and a groanin' too, so he vent over to her. After he looked at her, and saw her condition, he took out his gun and shot her right between the eyes.

"Den da policeman came across de road, gun still in hand, looked at me, and said, How are you feelin?'"

"Now wot da fock vud you say?

 

[Porter2]

A guy loves telling jokes about Scandinavians.

One day, his friend tells him, "You need to stop making jokes about Scandinavians. You're coming across as racist."

"Well, what kind of jokes should I tell instead?" asks the first guy.

"Tell jokes about generically ethnic people. That way, no one will be offended."

"All right."

A few days later, the first guy tells his friend, "Hey, I have my first 'generic ethnic' joke!"

"Awesome," says the friend. "Let's hear it!"

"So there are two generically ethnic guys named Lars and Sven....."

 

[BriGuy]

I thought he was taking it back to release in the river, no?

I think it just felt entitled since that appears to be a Dog Salmon.

I'll stop now.

 

[Capt Insano Emeritis]

The Finns don’t “get big-headed” – they have “piss coming up to their head” (Nousta kusi päähän).

Finnish humour is dry. Text conversation with my mate Jarkko:
"Yesterday marked 21 years since I arrived in Finland."
"Did you celebrate with a beer and a sausage?"
"No. I've become Finnish. I told no one. I sat in the dark in silence and thought about herrings."
"That's the spirit."

Jeanne is a Finn. Oh my Finny heart.
She does not appreciate sophomoric humor. My missteps go unnoticed. I could bleed to death in the shop. I am Norwegian . But that’s okay. She can blame a Swede.

 

[Buzzy]

 

[cdnred]

 

[Mossback]

 

[Stonedfish]

 

[Brian Miller]

View attachment 57210

McElligot's Pool, Dr. Seuss' Controversial Book, Which I Loved As A Kid

Dr. Seuss's McElligot's Pool has been withdrawn due to offensive references ('Eskimo'). I loved the story/text and art as a kid though.

davemargulius.com

 

[cdnred]

 

[M_D]

An oldie but a goodie in my opinion....but then it's a constant in my life


https://duckduckgo.com/?t=ffab&q=it...i=https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XIJYO4u5iug

 

[Old406Kid]

 

[TicTokCroc]

Day late...

 

[Old406Kid]

Day late...
View attachment 57378

I don't know if it was super or not but we broke a 1950 snowfall record for that date with 4.8 inches.

 

[Porter2]

 

[Old406Kid]

View attachment 57384

After being in Hawaii a few weeks ago, I think this also applies to shirtless men of a certain age and physique...or perhaps I should say lack thereof.

 

[wanderingrichard]

I thought he was taking it back to release in the river, no?

Didn't that happen in Shelton about 10 years ago ?