NFR Humor

[Mossback]

honesty is the best policy ! | Randy Utterway | dallasbourbonclub · Original audio

honesty is the best policy !. dallasbourbonclub · Original audio

www.facebook.com

 

[bobduck]

 

[Mossback]

 

[Capt Insano Emeritis]

band names for Dave Crawford whom I went to HS with…he asked for ideas

The Grizzly Hackles, Bald Abandon, SomeWonderY, Snaggle Toothless, Old Nuff and the Know Betters, Arthur Itus and the Reapers, The Old Orphans, Coronary Lane,
The Sneaker Gramps, Dave and the Autumn Bombs, Blue Barleycorns, Chachi and the Geriatric Chihuahuas, Doctor Cynic, The Blue Statins...Dave Rawhide and the Blue Geezers, Dave Debility and the Heat, The Furthur on Farts, Commander Comotose and the Archaic Angels.

 

[Capt Insano Emeritis]

I can not shop at Costco anymore ))))Yesterday I was at Costco buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet, Necco, the Wonder Dog, which weighs 191 lbs. I was in the check-out line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.What did she think I had an elephant?So because I'm retired and have little to do,on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again.I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.I told her that it was essentially a Perfect Diet and that the way that it works is, to load your jacket pockets with Purina Nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry.The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.)Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care, because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stopped to Pee on a Fire Hydrant and a car hit me,
I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard.
Costco won't let me shop there anymore.Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in the World to think of crazy things to say.Forward this (especially) to all your retired friends...it will be their laugh for the day!

 

[Capt Insano Emeritis]

An 8 year old perspective

 

[dep]

I can not shop at Costco anymore ))))Yesterday I was at Costco buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet, Necco, the Wonder Dog, which weighs 191 lbs. I was in the check-out line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.What did she think I had an elephant?So because I'm retired and have little to do,on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again.I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.I told her that it was essentially a Perfect Diet and that the way that it works is, to load your jacket pockets with Purina Nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry.The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.)Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care, because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stopped to Pee on a Fire Hydrant and a car hit me,
I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard.
Costco won't let me shop there anymore.Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in the World to think of crazy things to say.Forward this (especially) to all your retired friends...it will be their laugh for the day!

thanks for the laugh

 

[Wade Rivers]

Ambergris Caye, Belize at the food truck pod. Yes, we saw two crocs.

 

[Mukman]

A new study has shown that people who drink their coffee black are more likely to exhibit psychopathic traits.

The same study shows that people who order a quad shot non-fat vanilla soy extra foam light whip with caramel drizzle are more likely to be their victims.

 

[Buzzy]

An 8 year old perspectiveView attachment 112411

So funny! My six year old grandson camped out in the spare room with me when he, his mama and his sister flew up for a visit. The little guy can be windy (stinky); I made some comment about stink and he started laughing and said "you smelled it you dealt it". Little kids and farts. ;-)

 

[joefromchicago]

When I was a kid, I was considered posh because I had a Play Station and a dad.
Not in the same house.
I'm not loyalty.

People can't drive you crazy if you don't give them the keys.

 

[Capt Insano Emeritis]

 

[Stonedfish]

 

[Mukman]

 

[mark wlker]

A woman and her 12-year-old son were riding in a taxi in Boston. It was raining and all the prostitutes were standing under awnings. "Mom," said the boy, "what are all those women doing?" "They're waiting for their husbands to get off work," she replied.
The taxi driver turns around and says, "Geez lady, why don't you tell him the truth? They're hookers, boy! They have sex with men for money." The little boy's eyes get wide and he says, "Is that true Mom?"
His mother, glaring hard at the driver, answers "Yes."
After a few minutes the kid asks, "Mom, if those women have babies, what happens to them?"
She said, "Most of them become taxi drivers."

 

[Stonedfish]

 

[BriGuy]

 

[Zak]

 

[Kado]

A new study has shown that people who drink their coffee black are more likely to exhibit psychopathic traits.

The same study shows that people who order a quad shot non-fat vanilla soy extra foam light whip with caramel drizzle are more likely to be their victims.

I drink my coffee black...and this really made me laugh!

 

[Tim L]

I drink my coffee black...and this really made me laugh!

Same. A very Seattle-centric joke. They wouldn't really get it out here in the midwest.