NFR Humor (No political jokes)

[RCF]

 

[mark wlker]

My wife texted me a selfie in a new dress she was buying
and asked "does this dress make my butt look big?"

I texted back "Noo"

My phone auto corrected to "Moo"

Please send help!

 

[Herkileez]

 

[Stonedfish]

 

[joefromchicago]

Q: What do you call a lobster with one claw?
Loni Love: Still delicious.

 

[Capt Insano Emeritis]

Damn when i did that years ago they just cried even more- but I-didn’t take that pain in the arse wrapper off and it didn’t stick to my daughters forehead. Live and eventually learn…

 

[Long_Rod_Silvers]

Someone explain this to me.....

Cuttlefish = not a fish
Starfish = not a fish
Jellyfish = not a fish
Silverfish = not a fish
Shellfish = not a fish
Crayfish = not a fish

Seahorse = a fish

 

[Jacob Watrous]

To go along with their degradable Outbound Short and Coastal Quickshooter lines.

 

[Capt Insano Emeritis]

View attachment 82070To go along with their degradable Outbound Short and Coastal Quickshooter lines.

Shelf life 2 months… resulting compost will Yield 4 yard long dow gauk beans in next seasons gardens

 

[Merle]

If you’ve watched much of that show Yellowstone you might find this humorous:



If you’ve never seen the show then here’s really no need to after watching this, you’ll be all caught up.

 

[joefromchicago]

G. Carlin:
"It's no secret I lost faith in humanity a long time ago. And if you think there's a solution, that means you are a part of the problem."

 

[Capt Insano Emeritis]

 

[Jack Devlin]

 

[iveofione]

If you’ve watched much of that show Yellowstone you might find this humorous:



If you’ve never seen the show then here’s really no need to after watching this, you’ll be all caught up.

Thanks! I have never seen a minute of that show and now after 45 seconds I have seen it all! Looks like some pretty shallow shit and certainly not Academy Award acting...

 

[Mossback]

 

[RCF]

View attachment 82251

That is obviously me. Humorous that I am that good...

 

[Jim in Anacortes]

A young man went to a local bar. A very well preserved "cougar" in her fifties gave him much attention. After a few drinks she said to him "Have you ever had a mother daughter scenario?" He said "No". She convinced him to come home with her after that. Upon entering her home he heard the "cougar" yell out..... "Hey mom, are you still awake?"

 

[Dave Boyle]

 

[Capt Insano Emeritis]

A young man went to a local bar. A very well preserved "cougar" in her fifties gave him much attention. After a few drinks she said to him "Have you ever had a mother daughter scenario?" He said "No". She convinced him to come home with her after that. Upon entering her home he heard the "cougar" yell out..... "Hey mom, are you still awake?"

That would make almost any guy limp, maybe feigning a charley horse and backing out the door.

 

[Jim in Anacortes]

Why did the chicken cross the road?...To prove to a skunk that it wasn't dangerous.