NFR Humor (No political jokes)

[Stonedfish]

View attachment 176962

As a kid, I’d have been his only customer.
Love me some liver and onions.
SF

 

[Capt Insano Emeritis]

There's a maniac in my neighborhood that goes around leaving severed body parts on people's doorsteps.

He gives me the willies.

That was Frank
of him. Were they in a bun?

 

[flybill]

 

[Stonedfish]

 

[Capt Insano Emeritis]

Feb 17th 2026

 

[flybill]

 

[Breck]

Patient: "Well, Doc. How does it look?"

Doctor: "It doesn't look good. Mercury is in uranus."

Patient: "I don't believe in that astrology crap."

Doctor: "Neither do I. My thermometer broke."

 

[Jim F.]

Doctor: "Neither do I. My thermometer broke."

And yet in spite of this proctologist's clumsy mistake, his business is still looking up.

 

[Mossback]

People's IQs should be presented like the weather.

Actual IQ: 125

Feels like: 82

 

[Herkileez]

And yet in spite of this proctologist's clumsy mistake, his business is still looking up.

Studies show proctologists don't tend to bite their nails..
Coincidence?...I think not..

 

[Mossback]

"If you want a second opinion, I'll use two fingers..."

 

[Jim in Anacortes]

"That fish was so big, I think he took my fly just to use it as a lip piercing."

 

[Jim F.]

We were ice fishing back home one time when I hooked what felt like a pretty good fish. When it broke off right below the hole, one of my buddies said "I suppose now you're gonna tell us it was huge." "Nope. It was impossible to spot it. When I looked down the hole, all I could see was an eye."

 

[Jim in Anacortes]

The Zen Flyfishing Master: "I haven't had a bite in hours... I've achieved perfect oneness with disappointment."

 

[_WW_]

Decal seen in a car window at Walmart.
"I have kids. If you park too close to me they will dent your shit."

 

[Brian Miller]

Car salesman's schtick

 

[wanderingrichard]

"What If UFOs are just billionaires from other planets?"

 

[Breck]

An Irishman and his young son are at the zoo looking at the elephant exhibit.

They see a sign that says that if you give the elephant a bun, he will tell you your age.

So the youngster tosses the elephant a bun. The elephant proceeds to stomp his foot seven times.

"Wow!" exclaims the lad "He's right! I AM seven years old!"

His father decides to give the elephant a try next and tosses him a bun. The elephant promptly lets out a giant fart and then wraps his trunk around a tall pine.

"Bajaysus!" he says. "That elephant is somethin' else. I AM farty tree!"

 

[Wade Rivers]

 

[Capt Insano Emeritis]

Your coffee cup is in the microwave