Got there late so I left early to make up for it.
NFR Humor (No political jokes)
- Thread starter Buzzy
- Start date
Non-fishing related
Rainforest Gump
Life of the Party
Things in the sky. Recent picture of the Aurora.
SF
SF
Breck
The Whisk(e)y Dick
Guy moves into a new apartment over a bar. After a couple of weeks, he decides to head downstairs to the bar and check it out.
Bartender: "Welcome. What can I get for you?"
Guy: "I'm not much of a drinker, just checking out the place. How 'bout a Coke?"
Bartender: "Sure thing."
Guy starts looking around and notices a big glass jar on the bar loaded with $100 bills.
Guy to Bartender: "What's the story with the jar full of money?"
Bartender: "Well sir, that is from people who have tried to complete the bar challenge. It costs $100 to try and if you complete the challenge, the money in that jar is yours. I'll tell you this though, no one has ever completed the challenge."
Guy: "How hard could it be? I'll take that challenge."
He pulls a $100 bill out of his wallet and stuffs it into the jar. "Okay. What do I have to do?"
Bartender: "You will need to complete these four tasks: First, you have to down ten shots of whiskey without taking a breath. Second, you have to walk up to that giant door guy and knock him out cold with a single punch. Third, there's a really ill-tempered rottweiler out back with a rotten tooth. You need to pull that tooth. And lastly, in the basement there's an old woman with an attitude worse than the rottweiler's. She's never had an orgasm. You need to give her one."
Guy: "Okay! Let's do this! Line 'em up!"
He proceeds to knock back all ten shots without a single breath. He then walks right up to the door guy and lays him out flat with a single blow to the jaw. He then staggers out into the back alley. After a few seconds, a bunch of screaming, shouting, yelping, growling and other commotion is heard and then silence. A few seconds later, the guy comes limping through the door bloody, tattered, and breathing heavily.
Guy: "Alright, where's that old broad with the bad tooth?"
Bartender: "Welcome. What can I get for you?"
Guy: "I'm not much of a drinker, just checking out the place. How 'bout a Coke?"
Bartender: "Sure thing."
Guy starts looking around and notices a big glass jar on the bar loaded with $100 bills.
Guy to Bartender: "What's the story with the jar full of money?"
Bartender: "Well sir, that is from people who have tried to complete the bar challenge. It costs $100 to try and if you complete the challenge, the money in that jar is yours. I'll tell you this though, no one has ever completed the challenge."
Guy: "How hard could it be? I'll take that challenge."
He pulls a $100 bill out of his wallet and stuffs it into the jar. "Okay. What do I have to do?"
Bartender: "You will need to complete these four tasks: First, you have to down ten shots of whiskey without taking a breath. Second, you have to walk up to that giant door guy and knock him out cold with a single punch. Third, there's a really ill-tempered rottweiler out back with a rotten tooth. You need to pull that tooth. And lastly, in the basement there's an old woman with an attitude worse than the rottweiler's. She's never had an orgasm. You need to give her one."
Guy: "Okay! Let's do this! Line 'em up!"
He proceeds to knock back all ten shots without a single breath. He then walks right up to the door guy and lays him out flat with a single blow to the jaw. He then staggers out into the back alley. After a few seconds, a bunch of screaming, shouting, yelping, growling and other commotion is heard and then silence. A few seconds later, the guy comes limping through the door bloody, tattered, and breathing heavily.
Guy: "Alright, where's that old broad with the bad tooth?"
Capt Insano Emeritis
Legend
Jeannes 44 year ols son and grandson Finn…yes the Heikkinen family stock are Finnish.
Lemonade of course . . .What would you like to drink with your chips and salsa?
Capt Insano Emeritis
Legend
Porter2
Legend
For the NFL and Viking fans. ……
Sven and Ole go to Hell, and the Devil assigns them to their room. He figures being from Minnesota, it won’t take much to make them squeal, Heat-wise.
So Satan cranks the heat up, and they’re just loving it. Confused, he goes higher. No dice, Sven and Ole are just kicked back with their feet up, loving the heat.
Satan thinks to himself, “ok, maybe I need to turn the tables. Make it really cold and they’ll think they’re stuck back on earth in Minnesota.”
So he turns the heat off and starts blasting all the Arctic chill into Hell, causing snow and ice everywhere. Suddenly, he hears maniacal, euphoric celebration coming from Sven and Ole’s cell. He barges in and yells “What gives? I crank it up, and you relish the warmth. I go the other way, and you’re even happier with the freezing cold.”
Sven goes, “vell yah. At first ve vas happy to hab da heat. But den when Hell froze ober, we knew da Vikes had von da Super Bowl!”
One more… a night cap
Ole and Lena got married in Austin, and headed up to Minneapolis for their honeymoon.
Somewhere around Owatonna, Ole grabbed her hand. Lena looked at him and giggled. Emboldened, Ole slid his hand down Lena’s leg.
She looked at him slyly and said, “ya know, you can go farder if ya vanna.”
Ole drove to Duluth
Sven and Ole go to Hell, and the Devil assigns them to their room. He figures being from Minnesota, it won’t take much to make them squeal, Heat-wise.
So Satan cranks the heat up, and they’re just loving it. Confused, he goes higher. No dice, Sven and Ole are just kicked back with their feet up, loving the heat.
Satan thinks to himself, “ok, maybe I need to turn the tables. Make it really cold and they’ll think they’re stuck back on earth in Minnesota.”
So he turns the heat off and starts blasting all the Arctic chill into Hell, causing snow and ice everywhere. Suddenly, he hears maniacal, euphoric celebration coming from Sven and Ole’s cell. He barges in and yells “What gives? I crank it up, and you relish the warmth. I go the other way, and you’re even happier with the freezing cold.”
Sven goes, “vell yah. At first ve vas happy to hab da heat. But den when Hell froze ober, we knew da Vikes had von da Super Bowl!”
One more… a night cap
Ole and Lena got married in Austin, and headed up to Minneapolis for their honeymoon.
Somewhere around Owatonna, Ole grabbed her hand. Lena looked at him and giggled. Emboldened, Ole slid his hand down Lena’s leg.
She looked at him slyly and said, “ya know, you can go farder if ya vanna.”
Ole drove to Duluth
Capt Insano Emeritis
Legend
