NFR Humor (No political jokes)

[Mukman]

If you spell “absolutely nothing” backwards, it spells “gnihton yletulosba”.

Which, ironically, means absolutely nothing.

 

[Herkileez]

Posting this one is a good incision.

Deadpan humor...

 

[Capt Insano Emeritis]

Deadpan humor...

Love me a double entendre’. Or is it a triple? Now I am more confused than usual.

 

[Capt Insano Emeritis]

“As you are surely aware, our planet is turning on its axis around and around in space. It turns slowly, however, making one complete rotation only every twenty-four hours; and that's a good thing -- isn't it? -- because if our world turned as fast as Gracie's room appeared to be turning, the sun would be either rising or setting every fifteen minutes, astronomers would be as woozy as rodeo clowns, and it'd be nearly impossible to keep our meatballs from rolling out of our spaghetti.”
― Tom Robbins, B Is for Beer

 

[Capt Insano Emeritis]

“When civilized people dance they reconnect with their old animal nature. It reminds them that they aren’t mechanical chess pieces or rooted trees, but free-flowing meat waves of possibility.”
― Tom Robbins, B Is for Beer

 

[Landlocked]

 

[Jim F.]

 

[Capt Insano Emeritis]

Two chemists go into a restaurant.

The first one says “I think I’ll have an H2O.”

The second one says “I think I’ll have an H2O too”

 

[Capt Insano Emeritis]

A linguistics professor says during a lecture that, “In English, a double negative forms a positive. But in some languages, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, in no language in the world can a double positive form a negative.”

But then a voice from the back of the room piped up, “Yeah, right.”

 

[Stonedfish]

 

[Capt Insano Emeritis]

Socialism is the fire department saving your house. Capitalism is the insurance company denying your claim.

Its an ironic chuckle sorta.

 

[flybill]

 

[Jim in Anacortes]

A termite walked into a bar, and asked...."Is the bar tender here?"

 

[DanielOcean]

 

[Dave Boyle]

Boeing are using a new slogan to attract new staff. “Join Boeing and remember, as one door closes, another one opens”

 

[Stonedfish]

 

[CRO]

Boeing are using a new slogan to attract new staff. “Join Boeing and remember, as one door closes, another one opens”

when i was buiding parts for Boeing decades ago, we had a saying "If its Boeing, we aint going."

 

[Mukman]

I left Adderall in my Ford Fiesta.

Now I have a Ford Focus.

 

[Mukman]

If people make you sick, maybe you should cook them longer.

 

[Capt Insano Emeritis]

When a cat walks across a keyboard another Icelandic volcano gets a name.