NFR Humor (No political jokes)

Non-fishing related
Friendly Greetings!

and responses that may get you punched in the face or never talked to again.

Hi! > "Man, not since the 70's."
Hello > "I got nuthin'"
How ya doin? > " mostly with my hands."
How is everything? > "I have infinite ignorance."
How is everything goin? > "electric is a big deal."
Hey! > "Alfalfa"
What's up? > "Well, there is the sky."
Good to see you! > "Optometrists are great!"
How are things? > "Somethings or nothings?"
How's life been treating you? > "Other than occasional kicks in the ass, okay."
What's crackin'? > " Not my nuts."
What's good? > "oysters"
Long time, No see. > " Bummer, do I look okay?"
It's been ages! > "I hope so."
 
Capt Insano Emeritis said:
I just recalled the King of these...well the writers of them anyway...

The best Norm quotes from "Cheers"

"What's shaking Norm?"
"All four cheeks & a couple of chins."

"What's new Normie?"
"Terrorists, Sam. They've taken over my stomach & they're demanding beer."

"What'd you like Normie?"
"A reason to live. Give me another beer."

"What'll you have Normie?"
"Well, I'm in a gambling mood Sammy. I'll take a glass of whatever comes out
of that tap."
"Looks like beer, Norm."
"Call me Mister Lucky."

"Hey Norm, how's the world been treating you?"
"Like a baby treats a diaper."

"What's the story Mr. Peterson?"
"The Bobbsey twins go to the brewery. Let's cut to the happy ending."

"Hey Mr. Peterson, there's a cold one waiting for you."
"I know; if she calls, I'm not here."

"Beer, Norm?"
"Have I gotten that predictable? Good."

"What's going on Mr. Peterson?"
"A flashing sign in my gut that says, 'Insert beer here.'"

"Whatcha up to Norm?"
"My ideal weight if I were eleven feet tall."

"How's it going Mr. Peterson?"
"Poor."
"I'm sorry to hear that."
"No, I mean POUR!"

"How's life treating you Norm?"
"Like it caught me sleeping with its wife."

"Women. Can't live with 'em....pass the beer-nuts."

"What's going down, Normie?"
"My butt cheeks on that bar stool."

"Pour you a beer, Mr. Peterson?"
"Alright, but stop me at one....make that one-thirty."

"How's it going Mr. Peterson?"
"It's a dog eat dog world, Woody & I'm wearing Milk Bone underwear."

"What's the story Norm?"
"Boy meets beer. Boy drinks beer. Boy meets another beer."

"What's going on Mr. Peterson?"
"The question is what's going IN, Mr. Peterson?
"A beer please, Woody."

"Can I pour you a beer Mr. Peterson?"
"A little early isn't it, Woody?"
"For a beer?"
"No. For a stupid question"

My personal favorite (not a Norm response) is

"What's up?"
"That's a difficult question to answer when you live on a sphere."
Click to expand...
"What'll you have Normie?"
"Well, I'm in a gambling mood Sammy. I'll take a glass of whatever comes out
of that tap."
"Looks like beer, Norm."
"Call me Mister Lucky."

I remember this one!
 
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