Ok. I thought I'd do my own post and why I was debating on going and why I'm coming (yes I'll be there and will do some cooking).
I know I've kept up on my stroke and positives. And happy for everyone's response on my work. There's a few things I have had a hard time talking about.
I do have a problem that irritates me. Both crazy in my head and it literally hurts in my brain. I've come in big ways on the use of using my speak, but I'm no where who I was. Nothing I wish others could help with, all the "you got this" only goes so far when my brain messes with me. My problems have turned me into a one person talking. Once I heard more than one person, or hearing too much at once, my brain shuts down. It hates me that my old self wants me to be my old me, but my now self me shuts me down. I wish I was joking but my brain Literally hurts me. Don't be surprised if I close my eyes, lay my head down, and deep breathes in my nose and out my mouth. I may have to walk way completely and had to be by myself. It helps me re start myself up. This isn't towards any of you, my wife has to watch me do this when I'm just with her. I have bad days and I just shut down. A BIG ask is if I'm talking to you, and my mind seems to be locked up talking, please don't try to help unless I ask you to help. Sometimes it takes my brain to look a difference direction to get talk I want to see. If I'm looking like I'm thinking, I am. Only problem if I'm trying to find it someone trying to talk to me trying to give help does opposite help and making my head messing up and makes me really start closing down.
So.......I want to come and cook. I'll cook depending on how many come. A lot of flat grill work. I can bring the pizza grill if Evan wants me to bring it again. I'll figure a couple things up I can do for dinner and breakfast to add to others food.
I should say, this is actually a good thing. I didn't mean it to be a bad thing. Just trying to let people know of I'm not talking. Especially while I'm cooking. But.... the more I do this and try to work this the more it helps. Why i decided to go to the S&S. Just don't think if i walk off to be myself, or quiet, it's nothing you did. Just me right now in this world.
I know I've kept up on my stroke and positives. And happy for everyone's response on my work. There's a few things I have had a hard time talking about.
I do have a problem that irritates me. Both crazy in my head and it literally hurts in my brain. I've come in big ways on the use of using my speak, but I'm no where who I was. Nothing I wish others could help with, all the "you got this" only goes so far when my brain messes with me. My problems have turned me into a one person talking. Once I heard more than one person, or hearing too much at once, my brain shuts down. It hates me that my old self wants me to be my old me, but my now self me shuts me down. I wish I was joking but my brain Literally hurts me. Don't be surprised if I close my eyes, lay my head down, and deep breathes in my nose and out my mouth. I may have to walk way completely and had to be by myself. It helps me re start myself up. This isn't towards any of you, my wife has to watch me do this when I'm just with her. I have bad days and I just shut down. A BIG ask is if I'm talking to you, and my mind seems to be locked up talking, please don't try to help unless I ask you to help. Sometimes it takes my brain to look a difference direction to get talk I want to see. If I'm looking like I'm thinking, I am. Only problem if I'm trying to find it someone trying to talk to me trying to give help does opposite help and making my head messing up and makes me really start closing down.
So.......I want to come and cook. I'll cook depending on how many come. A lot of flat grill work. I can bring the pizza grill if Evan wants me to bring it again. I'll figure a couple things up I can do for dinner and breakfast to add to others food.
I should say, this is actually a good thing. I didn't mean it to be a bad thing. Just trying to let people know of I'm not talking. Especially while I'm cooking. But.... the more I do this and try to work this the more it helps. Why i decided to go to the S&S. Just don't think if i walk off to be myself, or quiet, it's nothing you did. Just me right now in this world.
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