NFR Humor (No political jokes)
- Thread starter Buzzy
- Start date
Non-fishing related
Capt Insano Emeritis
Legend
Capt Insano Emeritis
Legend
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That reminds me of a joke
A dog goes to a telegraph office. He tells the clerk he wants to send a telegraph, and the clerk ask what he wants to send.
The dog says "Woof woof woof. Woof. Woof. Woof woof woof woof."
The clerk says he can throw in a tenth word for free, and the dog says "What the hell?? That wouldn't make any sense!!"
Guy goes in to a bar with his dog. The bartender tells him to get the dog out of the bar.
The guy says " Wait a minute, my dog can talk!"
Bartender says "Yeah, I've heard that one before. I'll tell you what. If your dog can talk, you drink in my bar, for free, all you want for a year. If your dog doesn't talk, I'll take you and that stupid fleabitten mutt and throw you throw the plate glass window and you're never welcome here again!"
The guy says "Fido! What's on top of a house?" ROOF!!!
"What's on top of my mouth??" ROOF!!!
"What's that place in San Francisco, on the water, where all the tourists go?" WHARF!!!
"Who's the greatest baseball player of all time" RUTH!!!
They go flying threw the window and onto the sidewalk. The dog stands up, shakes the broken glass out of his fur, looks at his owner, and says "Ah shit, I'm sorry. Think I should have said Dimaggio?"
An old guy and his wife are watching TV on the couch. Harold hears a noise and he looks over and his wife is starting to slump on the couch. "Oh my god" he says. "I think Harriet is having a stroke"
So he calls 911 and they take her to the hospital. He's out in the waiting room for 3 hours and finally the doctor comes out.
"Is Harriet your wife?" "Yes"
"Well, she's had a stroke" the doctor says. "And it was a big one. Things are going to be a lot different now. She wont be able to speak, so you're going to have to learn sign language. She's also deaf, so at least the sign language will get two birds stoned at once.
She won't be able to chew, just like she can't speak. You're going to have to feed her. It will be a lot of Jello and soups, and with solid food, you'll have to open her mouth, put it in, grab her jaw, and chew for her. In this manner of eating, there will be a lot of messes. Food is going to fall out of her mouth on to her clothes and the bed, so you'll have to change her clothes and sheets every time she eats.
When you change the sheets, that's a good time to turn her and rub her to prevent the numerous bedsores that will pop up. Also, she's going to be incontinent of both bladder and bowel, so in addition to the eating problems, there will be even more cleaning up to do. Basically your whole day will be spent feeding and cleaning your wife. She's also...."
Harold cuts the doctor off and says "oh god, that's awful, I can't believe this"
The doctor says "Nah, I'm just kidding with you. She's dead"
RIP Martin Mull, I heard him tell that one
So he calls 911 and they take her to the hospital. He's out in the waiting room for 3 hours and finally the doctor comes out.
"Is Harriet your wife?" "Yes"
"Well, she's had a stroke" the doctor says. "And it was a big one. Things are going to be a lot different now. She wont be able to speak, so you're going to have to learn sign language. She's also deaf, so at least the sign language will get two birds stoned at once.
She won't be able to chew, just like she can't speak. You're going to have to feed her. It will be a lot of Jello and soups, and with solid food, you'll have to open her mouth, put it in, grab her jaw, and chew for her. In this manner of eating, there will be a lot of messes. Food is going to fall out of her mouth on to her clothes and the bed, so you'll have to change her clothes and sheets every time she eats.
When you change the sheets, that's a good time to turn her and rub her to prevent the numerous bedsores that will pop up. Also, she's going to be incontinent of both bladder and bowel, so in addition to the eating problems, there will be even more cleaning up to do. Basically your whole day will be spent feeding and cleaning your wife. She's also...."
Harold cuts the doctor off and says "oh god, that's awful, I can't believe this"
The doctor says "Nah, I'm just kidding with you. She's dead"
RIP Martin Mull, I heard him tell that one
Capt Insano Emeritis
Legend
Capt Insano Emeritis
Legend
I found a drawing…
Met a kindred spirit character at the Gearhart GC Saturday, 30 minute common roots conversation over the hood of his old Datsun PU. Was enamored with his hood ornament: a well done probably synthetic/magnetic banana slug. Fitting, and I’m almost jealous.
cascadian
Steelhead
UC Santa Cruz! Go SLUGS!
Jim in Anacortes
Life of the Party
A guy in a suit bellies up to the bar. The scruffy guy next to him has a large scruffy dog at his feet. The guy asks, Hey does your dog bite?" The scruffy guy says "Nope, he never has". So the guy in a suit reaches out to pet the dog...and gets a severe bite. He yells "YOU TOLD ME YOUR DOG DOESN'T BITE!" The scruffy guy simply says "That aint my dog". This "joke" holds much wisdom,
