NFR Humor (No political jokes)

Non-fishing related
I was at Safeway earlier, the self-checkout line. This old lady was doing the best job of hiding her pin number and she must have entered it wrong enough times , her card was denied. Pretty funny.
 
Zak said:
Years ago I had chronic lower back pain. I saw some specialist who asked me if I sit on my wallet (I did). I bought a slim front pocket wallet and that particular back pain went away (if only I could as easily fix my other aches and pains).
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I’ve had the same pains, tell I started caring my wallet in my front pocket.
 
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Capt Insano Emeritis said:
I have witnessed an elderly person lose it after they did the same. No one there waiting to check out thought it was in the least bit funny. I did not ask a question I just thought it was distastefully not funny. My opinion. Many others I know would not think it was funny either.
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I would hope I had the generosity and wherewithal all to cover the bill after the card declined and the person was in an obvious state of distress. Getting old can be pretty hard...
 
A woman goes in to the pro shop at a very fancy, expensive golf course and starts yelling

"This is unbelievable! This is so far beyond what is good and decent and appropriate that I'm shocked! I'm shocked and I'm furious!"

The guy working asks her what happened

"I DON'T BELIEVE THIS! My rich husband and I flew on a private jet all the way to your stupid golf course. We paid a fortune for a room at your shitty hotel, we were going to golf for a week at your crap ass golf course. And you better believe me when I tell you that my rich husband and I are going to call every single one of our rich golfing friends and tell them to never spend one red cent at this horrible establishment!

He asks again. "Ma'am, what happened?"

She says "I WAS STUNG BY A BEE!!"

He asks her where she was stung

"BETWEEN THE FIRST AND SECOND HOLE!!!!"

He says "Your stance is too wide"
 
A priest is getting a hotel room. After the guy behind the desk gives him the key, the priest starts walking to his room. He turns back and eyes the clerk and says "I assume the pornography channel in my room is disabled."

The clerk says "No, it's just regular porn, you sick bastard"
 
Travis Bille said:
A priest is getting a hotel room. After the guy behind the desk gives him the key, the priest starts walking to his room. He turns back and eyes the clerk and says "I assume the pornography channel in my room is disabled."

The clerk says "No, it's just regular porn, you sick bastard"
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That one had a delayed fuse.
 
I met up with a friend and noticed that he had two black eyes. Naturally my curiosity got the better of me, so I asked him what had happened.

He said that he was in the supermarket checkout line behind a rather large woman whose dress was tucked in between her butt cheeks. Thinking that he'd do her a favor (this seeming uncomfortable in his mind) so he pulled it out. That clearly didn't go over well with the woman who turned and socked him.

When I mentioned that this only accounted for one of his two black eyes, he told me that since clearly she didn't like that, he decided to tuck it back in again.
 
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