NFR Humor (No political jokes)

[Mukman]

PSA for dads:

When your kid says, “I want mommy”, what they’re really saying is “I’d like to speak to your supervisor.”

 

[Mukman]

I hate it when people act all intellectual and talk about Mozart when they’ve never seen any of his paintings.

 

[Kado]

I hate it when people act all intellectual and talk about Mozart when they’ve never seen any of his paintings.

Great podcast too!

 

[Porter2]

Both Science and history have demonstrated that birthdays are good for you. The more you have the longer you’ll live!

 

[Mossback]

 

[krusty]

 

[Mukman]

When I was in junior high, my math teacher told me I was average.

That was mean.

 

[Clean Willy]

The young woman who submitted the tech support message below (about her relationship to her husband) presumably did it as a joke. Then she got a reply that was way too good to keep to herself. The tech support people's love advice was hilarious and genius!

The query:
Dear Tech Support,
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slowdown in overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.
In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Atention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as: NBA 5.0, NFL 3.0 and Golf Clubs 4.1. Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and House cleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.
What can I do?
Signed: Desperate

The response (that came weeks later out of the blue)…
Dear Desperate,
First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an Operating System.
Please enter command: I thought you loved me.html and try to download Tears 6.2. Do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update. If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5. However, remember, overuse of the Tears application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0, or Beer 6.1. Please note that Beer 6.1 is a very bad progrm that will download Snoring Loudly Beta version.
Whatever you do, DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Mother-In-Law 1.0 as it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.
In addition, please do not attempt to re-install the Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.
In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend Cooking 3.0.
Good Luck

 

[Cabezon]

I am always amazed at the cite of individuals who cannot properly sight what they have sited with their own eyes.
and
"The amount of people who confuse "too" and "to" is amazing two me."
Steve

 

[Capt Insano Emeritis]

 

[Capt Insano Emeritis]

I have never liked the dark mode. I do have a night vision issue however.

 

[Dloy]

I am always amazed at the cite of individuals who cannot properly sight what they have sited with their own eyes.
and
"The amount of people who confuse "too" and "to" is amazing two me."
Steve

Just to add: I’m particularly fond (not ;-) of the phrase: “Me and the wife”, or nearly as bad “Me and Jim”. I’m no scholar, but I appreciate a little effort. End of rant.

 

[Mukman]

Technically, every dime I have spent on food has been flushed down the toilet.

 

[Capt Insano Emeritis]

Technically, every dime I have spent on food has been flushed down the toilet.

Its a damn good thing that you aren’t prescient with a photographic memory.

 

[Dave Boyle]

The funniest joke from the Edinburgh Fringe…

I was going to sail around the globe in the world’s smallest ship but I bottled it".

 

[Bagman]

The funniest joke from the Edinburgh Fringe…

I was going to sail around the globe in the world’s smallest ship but I bottled it".

One of my favorite quotes. We have offices around the globe says the flat earth society

 

[krusty]

Took a photo this afternoon illustrating North Idaho's Traffic Safety Program...

 

[Aufwuchs]

View attachment 124109
Took a photo this afternoon illustrating North Idaho's Traffic Safety Program...

I've driven by this sign. It did catch my attention.

 

[Mukman]

If you serve your children frozen pizza or chicken nuggets, you are a terrible parent.

I don’t care how busy you are, find the time to microwave the food first.

 

[krusty]

I've driven by this sign. It did catch my attention.

Since you've observed how fast some people drive on this twisty-ass road you know the sign maker displayed considerable restraint in choice of words.