NFR Humor (No political jokes)

[FinLuver]

A friend always said "When you have a nice tool, you build a shed to cover it."

By the same token…
The longer the root, the smaller the feet.

 

[Dloy]

My father:
“They said it was a tool you work with. So I grabbed a small one.”
and another:
“When I got up, it looked so good out I decided to leave it out all day.”

 

[Trout Trekker]

 

[Capt Insano Emeritis]

Regular naps prevent old age, especially if you take them while driving.

 

[Capt Insano Emeritis]

How many retirees does it take to change a lightbulb?
Just one. It might take all day,though.

 

[Capt Insano Emeritis]

“Except for the occasional heart attack, I feel as young as I ever did.” – Robert Benchley

 

[Mukman]

I was told to watch the eclipse through a colander.

It strained my eyes.

 

[Wanative]

 

[FinLuver]

View attachment 110023

That the Fifth St Ravens?

 

[Otter]

What, it took 7 years for news of Canuck the Crow's antics to cross the 49th?

https://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/british-columbia/canuck-crow-international-attention-1.3604632

But yes, that is a rough neighbourhood in Vancouver. Even the birds are bad-ass.

 

[Capt Insano Emeritis]

 

[Mukman]

I was asked in a work safety meeting what steps I would take in the event of a fire.

Apparently “Long fast ones” was not the answer they were looking for.

 

[Stonedfish]

 

[Buzzy]

 

[Mukman]

Scientists are studying the effects of cannabis on shore birds.

They’re leaving no tern unstoned.

 

[Capt Insano Emeritis]

its hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally.

 

[Capt Insano Emeritis]

Aargh alert

What do you call a snobbish criminal going down stairs in prison?
A condescending con descending.

 

[Stonedfish]

 

[Trout Trekker]

 

[Brian Miller]