NFR Humor (No political jokes)

Non-fishing related
Text from husband to wife:

“If you are sleeping, send me your dreams,
If you are eating, send me a bite,
If you are laughing, send me a smile,
If you are crying, send me your tears,
I love you”

Return text from wife to husband:

“On the toilet. Please advise.”
 
Capt Insano Emeritis said:
In the 60’s we had beef tongue and beef liver all the time . It was commonly had at our small local Safeway in town. The then commonly available and affordable is decades gone. But as It was common growing up I have zero interest in eating it today.
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At our house the favorite saying about having tongue was. “ while you are tasting it - it is tasting you “.
 
Mukman said:
Didn’t find this at all humorous. Read the whole thing and couldn’t find a single joke; actually kind of depressing.
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I think it's a bit like the Keystone Cops arresting a kid catching a butterfly in a net in the hopes that it prevents the extinction of that butterfly population. Especially if that kid is one of the biggest and most ardent supporters and advocates for that butterfly species. Maybe not “ha ha” funny, but I find it ironic and laughable.
 
Husband:
My wife is missing.
She went to rescue people from the flood yesterday and did not come home ...
Police Station Sergeant:
what is her height
Husband:
I'm not sure. More than five feet tall.
Sergeant:
Weight?
Husband:
Do not know. Not thin, not really that heavy.
Sergeant:
Eye color?
Husband:
Like brown, I don't remember exactly.
Sergeant:
Hair color?
Husband:
It changes twice a year.
Maybe dark brown now.
I do not remember.
Sergeant:
What was she wearing?
Husband:
Can be pants, or can be a skirt or shorts. I don't know exactly.
Sergeant:
What kind of car did she get into?
Husband:
She left in my jeep.
Sergeant:
What kind of jeep is it?
Husband:
2010 Rubicon with Sprintex Supercharger with Intercooler, DiabloSport T-1000 Trinity Programmer, Teraflex Falcon 3.3 Shocks ,1350 RE Reel Drive Shafts, Method 105 Bead Locks, Toyo 37" X 13.5" Tires, Custom Olympic Off Road Front Bumper, Olympic Off Road Smuggler Rear Bumper with tire carrier, Seward Radius 4s LED Light, Seward 12" LED Light bar, 50" LED Light bar with, sPod LED switch pod with Boost gage,, Rigid LED Lights, 15# Power Tank, Rock Hard Cage, Rock Hard Under Armor, Posion Spyder Sliders, Posion Spyder Crusher Fenders, Posion Spyder Evap Armor, Posion Spyder Extreme Duty Trans-Mount Cross Member, Bushwacker rear armor, 5.13 Gears, Magnum 44 Front Axle, Off Road Evolution "C" Gussets, Cobra 75 CB Radio, Warn 10K on Front and 8K Winch on Rear, Bartact Seat Covers, Delta Quad Bar Xenon Headlamps, Tantrum LED Offroad Rock Lights, Teraflex HD Tie Rod, Teraflex Falcon Steering Stabilizer, Teraflex Alpine Long Control Arms Front & Rear, Teraflex 4" springs, Teraflex JK Performance Slotted Big Rotor Kit, TeraFlex Monster HD Forged Front Adjustable Trackbar, Teraflex Front & Rear Brake Line Kit, Teraflex Bump Stops Front & Rear, Surprise Straps, Hothead Headliner, Teraflex D-44 Diff Covers, Wild Boar Grille, Rigid Ridge Hood, Drake Hood Latch's & a Tuffy Security Drawer...

Sergeant:
Don't worry my friend. Let us find your jeep..
 
Man goes to confession and tells the priest "Bless me father for I have sinned, I used the F word on the golf course the other day." The priest says "Tell me about it, my son."
Well first I shanked my tee shot into the woods and the priest says "So you said it then." No, because the shot hit a tree and bounced onto the middle of the fairway but then I drove that one hard to the right. Priest says "And you said it then?" No because that one hit the ball-washer on the next hole and bounced into the low rough. "Ah, so that's when you said it." No because I took my wedge and drove it to within six inches of the hole.

After considerable pause the priest says
"Don't tell me you missed that fucking putt...
 
Dog.jpg
 
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