NFR Humor (No political jokes)

[Shawn Seeger]

True true true....

 

[Mukman]

My wife is a bodybuilder.

She’s pregnant.

 

[Capt Insano Emeritis]

I just got my doctor's test results and I'm really upset about it. Turns out, I'm not gonna be a doctor.

 

[Capt Insano Emeritis]

Don’t challenge Death to a pillow fight. Unless you’re prepared for the reaper cushions.

 

[Capt Insano Emeritis]

Do you know the phrase “One man’s trash is another man’s treasure”? Wonderful saying, horrible way to find out that you were adopted.

 

[Capt Insano Emeritis]

A priest asks the convicted murderer at the electric chair, “Do you have any last requests?” “Yes,” replies the murderer. “Can you please hold my hand?”

 

[Jacob Watrous]

“Jesus Loves You” is fairly innocuous, unless you’re in a Mexican prison.

 

[Mukman]

A shark can swim faster than me, but I can run faster than a shark.

So in a triathlon, it would all come down to who is the better cyclist.

 

[flybill]

 

[flybill]

 

[Mukman]

I’d like to have kids one day.

I don’t think I could stand them any longer than that, though.

 

[flybill]

I’d like to have kids one day.

I don’t think I could stand them any longer than that, though.

Just return them to Nordstrom or Orvis.. they'll take back almost anything...

 

[Capt Insano Emeritis]

Just return them to Nordstrom or Orvis.. they'll take back almost anything...

Make sure to return to the accessories department . The returns checker won’t want to bother to check inventory.

 

[flybill]

Make sure to return to the accessories department . The returns checker won’t want to bother to check inventory.

I tried EBay once. They frown on selling your kids.. I was only charging a delivery fee.. damn Ebay!

 

[Stonedfish]

 

[Capt Insano Emeritis]

Stop is “substidyti” in Lithuanian, maybe he thought they called a time out to make a substitution?

 

[albula]

"Every time I try to tell you something you start an argument."

"Like hell I do."

 

[Tim L]

 

[Stonedfish]

 

[Mukman]

I just went to the doctor, and I have sex daily.

Sorry, I meant to say I have dyslexia.