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A guy keeps crossing the border every morning, on a bike with a bulging bag strapped to the back. The guard stops him. “Anything to declare?” “Nope.” “What’s in the bag?” “Just sand.” They check it - just sand. Every morning: same man, same bike, same bag of sand, always just sand, routine goes...

I lost the pub trivia quiz last night by one point. The last question was "Where do women have the curliest hair?" Apparently the correct answer is Fiji.

I just got gas for $2.00! I went to Taco Bell.

Did you know: There are more airplanes in the ocean than submarines in the air.

At my age, all I have to do to see the Northern Lights is to stand up too fast. Sometimes I even see a total eclipse.

Youthful indiscretion? Getting tangled up after a play and throwing a punch or calling someone a naughty name? Understandable. Running down an opposing sideline after a play, disregarding an umps gentle “OK move on now”….. that’s different. That is a sustained loss of control, not a heat of...

Hawks are a complete team. NE is not. Hawks by 13. And for the same reasons that Earl Thomas, Percy Harvin and DK Metcalf had to go, Riq Woolen has to go in the offseason. I understand “the heat of the moment”, but if you can’t control yourself enough to prevent serious damage to your team...

John Lennon: “He wear no shoeshine, he got toe-jam football….He got monkey finger, he shoot Coca-Cola….” Police Sketch Artist: “Whaat?”

Years ago, I was in charge of a bonding event for my engineering team of 15 men. I suggested: - archery - axe throwing - hiring a woman

I'm writing a book on the origin story of the Headless Horseman. It's called, "The Horseman".

If Budweiser made a fly fishing commercial…..

Christmas tip: Wrap several empty boxes and put them under the tree. Every time your child misbehaves, throw one in the fire.

My brother in law is a crazy conspiracy theorist. He won’t be an organ donor, because he says if he’s in an accident, the paramedics won’t try and save him because they want to harvest his organs. He’s crazy. But, I can’t argue with him. He’s a paramedic.

I love whoever told my elderly mom that “WTF” means “Wow, that’s fabulous!” It makes her texts much more fun.

Speaking of being in clubs….. Hiking in your late 60’s is a great way to meet people. Today I met two paramedics, four nurses, two doctors and almost met Jesus. *disclaimer: This did not actually happen to me - this is an attempt at humor. Because it sounds like it could happen to any of...

Why are clubs filled with old people and few young people? My experience: When I was in my 30’s and 40’s, I was working 50-60 hours a week. When I wasn’t working, I was with my wife and two sons and mainly following their pursuits. My “clubs” were athletic and music spectating and my friends...

We just got an electric blanket. Now I call all of our others acoustic blankets.

I have begun to get more serious about my health and fitness. I have begun to run for 15 minutes every day. If I miss a day, I add 15 minutes to the next day. Tomorrow, I’m running for three months.

When you fart, they can either be loud or silent. And then there’s the turd kind.