VERY SAD
It is with the saddest heart that I pass on the following: Please join me in remembering a great American icon. The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection and complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 71. The Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased coffin. Dozens of celebrities turned out to pay their respects, including Mrs. Butterworth, Hungry Jack, The California Raisins, Betty Crocker, The Hostess Twinkies, and Captain Crunch. The gravesite was piled high with flours. Long time friend, Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy, describing Doughboy as a man who never knew how much he was kneaded. Doughboy rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers. He was never considered a very "smart" cookie, wasting much of his dough on half- baked schemes. Despite being a little flaky at times, but alas, he was no tart. Doughboy is survived by his wife, Play Dough, two children, John Dough, and Jane Dough; plus they had one in the oven. He is also survived by his eld- erly father, Pop Tart. The funeral was held at 350 for about 20 minutes. We were very close.