Reflections from the end of my first long term relationship

I'm three years older than my wife. If we had met when we were 24 and 21 there's no way we would be together now. At least you have that arranged deal to fall back on if something doesn't shake out.
 
DimeBrite said:
A good break up is an ideal time to vigorously grow as a person. Take on great feats, engage in new adventures, feed your mind with the wisdom of the ancients. Recognize the ego and overcome its limitations. There are so many mentors to help you along your journey and alluring sirens to distract you from its progress.

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Start off with Euripide's play Medea from 431 B.C. You will feel better immediately! Then slide into Virgil's The Aeneid and witness the stoic departure of Aeneas from the shores of Carthage as Dio's flaming pyre illuminates a troubled horizon. Every hero has a break up or two before declaring his Queen.
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Fishing Aeneas Lake will never be the same now that I know this…
 
PhilR said:
When you're out fly fishing, you switch flies or move down the beach if things aren't working, right? You wouldn't stay with your first job out of school, either. It didn't work with this girl, so move down the beach, try some different flies, experience different things and people. Have a good time, get experience, get dirty, there's plenty of time to get serious about things later.
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It’s funny because I rarely switch flies which probably explains why fishing is a struggle sometimes
 
Dloy said:
Ah, mawwidge. I can tell you it’s a win win proposition and you almost can’t lose. You get mawwied and that’s the happiest day of your life. Until you get divorced. Then that is the happiest day of your life. And then you repeat. Some of us have been happy happy happy happy.
Just a tip from the top. YMMV
Sorry if I’m insensitive. Knot
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Third time is a charm…
 
krusty said:
Many years ago I worked with an old Italian American whose parents first met on their wedding day. Their large families lived far apart in rural America but had immigrated from the same community in Italy and knew each other well.

While his parents were married on the first day they'd met they weren't intended to sleep together immediately but were chaperoned for many months on their respective family homesteads.

The marriage lasted over 65 years, produced a slew of productive citizens, and according to my coworker his parents were an extremely happy and close couple.

Strong, nurturing and enduring relationships are built on compatibility, not fleeting lust.
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Lust does not need to be fleeting, especially in strong and enduring relationships. Those are not mutually exclusive things.

The single greatest accomplishment of my life is that i have 2 adult children and their mother still likes me and my touch.
 
speedbird said:
It’s funny because I rarely switch flies which probably explains why fishing is a struggle sometimes
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It’s a metaphor. Get out there. Try stuff. Sow your wild oats. Your future wife will appreciate the skills and experience you pick up along the way.
 
charles sullivan said:
Lust does not need to be fleeting, especially in strong and enduring relationships. Those are not mutually exclusive things.

The single greatest accomplishment of my life is that i have 2 adult children and their mother still likes me and my touch.
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PhilR said:
It’s a metaphor. Get out there. Try stuff. Sow your wild oats. Your future wife will appreciate the skills and experience you pick up along the way.
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It's more like an analogy...but I digress.

But at his age gettin' out and gettin' after it goes for both fishing and women.

Don't let senorita palma and her cinqo amigas become your friend...
😁
 
Important lessons to learn while young:

1. Life isn't fair.

2. Don't "go steady" until you've dated more than a couple dozen women, preferably more.

It may be unfortunate that at age 24 you haven't been through 3 or 4 or 5 break ups already. Dating and break ups are building blocks. I wish someone I would have listened to while in high school would have told me to never go steady, but instead date a different girl every week or so. The purpose of dating should be to get to know lots of different personality types and attributes so that you learn what type of person you're comfortable and compatible with. If it turns out that it was one of the early ones, you can circle back around and date her again, because if she's right for you, she will have been doing the same thing, looking for Mr. Right, which would be you.

Meanwhile, like Mossback said, hookers and blow, and if that isn't your style, I think it's OK to self medicate with alcohol, but only for a couple months because it's not a sustainable life style. And get laid. It'll help you get over the break up. I think I've hit my limit on relationship advice.
 
Salmo_g said:
2. Don't "go steady" until you've dated more than a couple dozen women, preferably more.

It may be unfortunate that at age 24 you haven't been through 3 or 4 or 5 break ups already. Dating and break ups are building blocks. I wish someone I would have listened to while in high school would have told me to never go steady, but instead date a different girl every week or so. The purpose of dating should be to get to know lots of different personality types and attributes so that you learn what type of person you're comfortable and compatible with. If it turns out that it was one of the early ones, you can circle back around and date her again, because if she's right for you, she will have been doing the same thing, looking for Mr. Right, which would be you.
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"Dated"?

Probably after his time, but did Salmo's post pop this into the head or any other Gen Xers?



Sorry to the OP. I think most of us have gone through something similar sooner or later in life. Mine was at 20. A bunch of good advice here. In my situation I should have joined more groups I had interest in to meet people, and focused less on finding the next "one". Some things need to happen organically.
 
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Salmo_g said:
Important lessons to learn while young:

1. Life isn't fair.

2. Don't "go steady" until you've dated more than a couple dozen women, preferably more.

It may be unfortunate that at age 24 you haven't been through 3 or 4 or 5 break ups already. Dating and break ups are building blocks. I wish someone I would have listened to while in high school would have told me to never go steady, but instead date a different girl every week or so. The purpose of dating should be to get to know lots of different personality types and attributes so that you learn what type of person you're comfortable and compatible with. If it turns out that it was one of the early ones, you can circle back around and date her again, because if she's right for you, she will have been doing the same thing, looking for Mr. Right, which would be you.

Meanwhile, like Mossback said, hookers and blow, and if that isn't your style, I think it's OK to self medicate with alcohol, but only for a couple months because it's not a sustainable life style. And get laid. It'll help you get over the break up. I think I've hit my limit on relationship advice.
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Y'know the apps have been a struggle but despite everyone telling me that getting laid as a distraction isn't the right move, I have to say it's been helping 😂. Getting all my male friends together for a guys night out this weekend is gonna help too.
 
Since this is a website of anglers helping anglers and the good advice is drying up, let's have a virtual "take the kid out to get over his ex" post.

 
I hope this doesn't come across as too off topic for this forum. I kind of needed to hear some older folks advice and while I would normally turn to my parents, they had more of a fairy tail where they met at 24 and 25 in college, my dad played the hopeless romantic and won her over, her parents didn't want her marrying him because of tribal BS so they fled the country together, ended up in the United States after some years and had me
 
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