NFR Humor (No political jokes)

Non-fishing related
In Jamaica, a slice of pie costs $2.23.
In Barbados, a slice of pie will run you $3.17.
In the Dominican Republic, a slice of pie is $2.97.

These are the pie rates of the Caribbean.
 

A man and a woman who had never met before found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a trans-continental train. Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they were both very tired and fell asleep quickly, him in the upper bunk and her in the lower.​

At 1:00 a.m., the man leaned down and gently woke the woman saying, "Ma'am, I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket? I'm awfully cold."

"I have a better idea," she replied. "Just for tonight, let's pretend we're married."

"Wow! That's a great idea!" he exclaimed.

"Good," she replied. "Get your own fucking blanket."

After a moment of silence, he farted.
 
Breck said:
In Jamaica, a slice of pie costs $2.23.
In Barbados, a slice of pie will run you $3.17.
In the Dominican Republic, a slice of pie is $2.97.

These are the pie rates of the Caribbean.
Click to expand...

Breck said:

A man and a woman who had never met before found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a trans-continental train. Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they were both very tired and fell asleep quickly, him in the upper bunk and her in the lower.​

At 1:00 a.m., the man leaned down and gently woke the woman saying, "Ma'am, I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket? I'm awfully cold."

"I have a better idea," she replied. "Just for tonight, let's pretend we're married."

"Wow! That's a great idea!" he exclaimed.

"Good," she replied. "Get your own fucking blanket."

After a moment of silence, he farted.
Click to expand...
On that same train (but in a different compartment) a woman in the top bunk was preparing for bed. Unbeknownst to her, the curtain enclosing her bunk had come open, exposing her to view from the man in the bottom bunk on the opposite side of the aisle.

First, she removed her wig and placed it in the wig box. Then she removed her false eyelashes and placed them carefully in their proper container. Then she removed her dentures and placed them in a glass. Next she took off her shirt and removed her brassiere and the falsies therein. At that moment she realized that she was being watched.

She gasped and covered her chest with her arms and cried out: What do you want?

The man replied: You know what I want. When you come to it, just hand it down.
 
A man joins a soccer team and his new teammates inform him, "At your first team dinner as the new guy, you will have to give us a talk about sex." The evening arrives and he gives a detailed, humorous account of his sex life. When he got home, his wife asked how the evening went and not wanting to lie, but also not wanting to explain exactly what happened, he said, "Oh, I had to make a talk about yachting," his wife thought this a little peculiar but said nothing more and went to sleep. The next day she bumped into one of his new teammates at the supermarket and asked, "I heard my husband had to make a speech last night. How did it go?" His mate said smiling, 'Oh, it was excellent! Your husband is clearly very experienced!." The wife looked confused and replied to his mate, "Strange, he has only done it twice. The first time he fumbled around like an idiot and the second time he threw up."
 
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A wealthy man was having an affair with an Italian woman for a few years. One night, during one of their rendezvous, she confided in him that she was pregnant. Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, he paid her a large sum of money if she would go to Italy to have the child. If she stayed in Italy, he would also provide child support until the child turned 18. She agreed, but wondered how he would know when the baby was born. To keep it discrete, he told her to mail him a postcard, and write "Spaghetti" on the back. He would then arrange for child support. One day, about 9 months later, he came home to his confused wife. "Honey," she said, "you received a very strange postcard today." "Oh, just give it to me and I'll explain it later," he said. The wife handed the card over and watched as her husband read the card, turned white, and fainted. On the card was written "Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti. Two with meatballs, one without."
 
My ophthalmologist told me he was going through his 2nd divorce.
So I asked him which ex-wife he liked better. #1 or #2... #1 or #2?
 
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