NFR Humor (No political jokes)
- Thread starter Buzzy
- Start date
Non-fishing related
I have one ! O.D.F.W.
Rainforest Gump
Life of the Party
THE WINNER OF THE 2014 DARWIN AWARD IS!…
Two local men were injured when their pickup truck left the road and struck a tree near Cotton Patch [Arkansas] on State Highway 38 early Monday. Woodruff County Deputy Dovey Snyder reported the accident shortly after midnight Monday. Thurston Poole, 33, of Des Arc, and Billy Ray Wallis, 38, of Little Rock, were returning to Des Arc after a frog-catching trip. On an overcast Sunday night, Poole’s pickup truck headlights malfunctioned.
The two men concluded that the headlight fuse on the older-model truck had burned out. As a replacement fuse was not available, Wallis noticed that the .22 caliber bullet from his pistol fit perfectly into the fuse box next to the steering-wheel column. Upon inserting the bullet, the headlights again began to operate properly, and the two men proceeded toward the White River Bridge.
After traveling approximately 20 miles, and just before crossing the river, the bullet apparently overheated, discharged, and struck Poole in the testicles. The vehicle swerved sharply right, exited the pavement, and struck a tree. Poole suffered only minor cuts and abrasions from the accident but will require extensive surgery to repair the damage to his testicles, which will never operate as intended.
Wallis sustained a broken clavicle and was treated and released. “Thank God we weren’t on that bridge when Thurston shot his balls off, or we might be dead,” stated Wallis.
“I’ve been a trooper for 10 years in this part of the world, but this is a first for me. I can’t believe that those two would admit how this accident happened,” said Snyder.
Though Poole and Wallis did not die as a result of their misadventure as normally required by Darwin Award official rules, it can be argued that Poole did in fact effectively remove himself from the gene pool.
Two local men were injured when their pickup truck left the road and struck a tree near Cotton Patch [Arkansas] on State Highway 38 early Monday. Woodruff County Deputy Dovey Snyder reported the accident shortly after midnight Monday. Thurston Poole, 33, of Des Arc, and Billy Ray Wallis, 38, of Little Rock, were returning to Des Arc after a frog-catching trip. On an overcast Sunday night, Poole’s pickup truck headlights malfunctioned.
The two men concluded that the headlight fuse on the older-model truck had burned out. As a replacement fuse was not available, Wallis noticed that the .22 caliber bullet from his pistol fit perfectly into the fuse box next to the steering-wheel column. Upon inserting the bullet, the headlights again began to operate properly, and the two men proceeded toward the White River Bridge.
After traveling approximately 20 miles, and just before crossing the river, the bullet apparently overheated, discharged, and struck Poole in the testicles. The vehicle swerved sharply right, exited the pavement, and struck a tree. Poole suffered only minor cuts and abrasions from the accident but will require extensive surgery to repair the damage to his testicles, which will never operate as intended.
Wallis sustained a broken clavicle and was treated and released. “Thank God we weren’t on that bridge when Thurston shot his balls off, or we might be dead,” stated Wallis.
“I’ve been a trooper for 10 years in this part of the world, but this is a first for me. I can’t believe that those two would admit how this accident happened,” said Snyder.
Though Poole and Wallis did not die as a result of their misadventure as normally required by Darwin Award official rules, it can be argued that Poole did in fact effectively remove himself from the gene pool.
DEFINITION FROM THE BRITISH MEDICAL JOURNAL
There is a medical distinction between “Guts” and “Balls”.
We've heard colleagues referring to people with “Guts”, or with “Balls”. Do they, however, know the difference between them?
Here’s the official distinction; straight from the British Medical Journal: Volume 323; page 295.
GUTS - Is arriving home late, after a night out with the lads, being met by your wife with a broom, and having the “Guts” to ask: “Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?”
BALLS - Is coming home late after a night out with the lads, smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the bum and having the “Balls” to say: 'You're next, Chubby.'
WE TRUST THIS CLEARS UP ANY CONFUSION.
MEDICALLY SPEAKING, THERE IS NO DIFFERENCE IN OUTCOME; BOTH ARE FATAL.
There is a medical distinction between “Guts” and “Balls”.
We've heard colleagues referring to people with “Guts”, or with “Balls”. Do they, however, know the difference between them?
Here’s the official distinction; straight from the British Medical Journal: Volume 323; page 295.
GUTS - Is arriving home late, after a night out with the lads, being met by your wife with a broom, and having the “Guts” to ask: “Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?”
BALLS - Is coming home late after a night out with the lads, smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the bum and having the “Balls” to say: 'You're next, Chubby.'
WE TRUST THIS CLEARS UP ANY CONFUSION.
MEDICALLY SPEAKING, THERE IS NO DIFFERENCE IN OUTCOME; BOTH ARE FATAL.
Yup, Being Irish/ Welsh linage, that sounds like something my Dad would do. With my adoptive Mom that raised me being German, she would beat him with the broom.
A married man picks up a gal in a bar and takes her to her place. He falls asleep and wakes up early in the morning and realizes he is in trouble. He hurries home but on the way he passes a pool hall and decides to stop and go inside, grab some pool chalk and rub a little on his cheek and shirt collar. When he gets home sure enough his wife is waiting up for him with arms crossed and looking angry. He says, honey I have to confess. I just spent the night with another woman. She says, you liar, you been out playing pool !
I identify as a trash panda (racoon) and go by Rocket!!
I wonder if clouds ever look down at us and say, "Isn't that one shaped like an idiot?"
A SS teacher in HS showed the class mementos she had collected during a trip through Europe that included beer coasters and squares of toilet paper that she had written down the place and date collected. The TP all looked like small squares of cheap quilted or un-quilted paper towels. A couple of years later while in the USAF in 1973 I went on a 30 day 50-50 hitchhike-train trip through Germany, Austria, Switzerland, Germany, and The Netherlands with a HS friend. Like my former teacher I collected coasters and toilet paper in every town we passed through and wrote down the dates and places. My friend thought it was amusing. The TP all looked either like squares of paper towels or kitchen waxed paper. When we were at Frankfurt am Main to fly out he came out of a restroom laughing and said "You've got to go in there!" I went in and the stalls had squares of cut up newsprint. I took a sheet and wrote down the date and place. Very funny indeed.
BriGuy
Life of the Party
I remember the coarse gray squares. I wish I had a stock of those for sanding and polishing things in the garage.